|| GONE FOR----EVER ||

|| WE WILL ALWAYS MISS YOU ||

This post is a very special post, a post that will remind me the feeling I had now and forever
and will be.... for-ever
The feeling that will remind me to appreciate those who are still alive,
no matter we love them or hate them.... the point is, just to appreciate every single one of them
because the feeling of losing somebody is very hurtful no words can describe.

Mr Jaggit (my father-in-law ) left us on 26th June 2010
He's married to a wonderful 'one-in-a-milllion' wife (my moth-in-law)
Has 3 lovely children, Cimmeran, Jagjivan and Sangeetha
Cimmeran married to Malwinder and
have a baby name Priyal and another one coming within this 2 weeks (expecting)
Jagjivan, my Fiance the only son and we planned to get married next year
* it's unfair that he won't be able to witness our marriage ceremony*
and.. Sangeetha.. youngest lovely daughter.

All of us call him 'PAPA'
*feeling a stabbing pain now*
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I can't do this
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Even tho he's not my real Father but trust me... he's like one to me
he's a very very kind man
I love him so much
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I know... everything happened for a reason... i keep telling that to myself and them
but reality do bite!!
it's pain .. damn pain
it was all so sudden
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everybody is telling mama and the rest of us to be strong
what other option do we have than to be strong... right????
then... everybody is asking 'how are you?'
of course we are not okay.. especially mama,
sometimes she's okay, and at time she's not
how to tell everyone that it's not easy to accept the truth that someone you really love
gone just like that!!... just a snap of your fingers....
he was in Vietnam (on a business trip) when he died
we didn't see him for like 2 weeks
and in a very plain nice sunday morning you got a message from somebody else
telling you that ur dad passed away...
how on earth could you possibly be relax and OKAY with that?
what i'm trying to say here... even if you took a very good care of someone who were ill
then passed away... you'll still feel the pain and you'll have to take sometime to be okay EVEN you have the time to take care of that person...
in our situation... he went happily for work... and then... came back 'dead' not moving...
how will you be okay?? Oh God..

i know i'm too much but...
people keep on telling me to be strong...strong strong for my Fiance and his family
but deep inside i am suffering.. i am crying!! God.... i am very sad

there's too many unsettled things
there's too many things i wanted to talked about with papa
i want him to see me and jag getting married
taking me into their family
give me the hug i needed
watching my children growing up
i know... i still have my daddy.. my real dad but
papa was like my own father too..
he took care of me very well evrytime i'm staying in their house on weekend
there were too many memories

I just went through my laptop... and found few videos i've recorded while he was alive
all good, lovely, nice memories..
the laughter..
the friendliness

I just hope that he's happy up there.. where ever he is now...
i don't want him to have any regrets about leaving us so soon..
we're not so okay now but we'll be fine..

He once told me this
" BE CONFIDENT IN EVERYTHING YOU DO"
and that.. I will keep forever...

Sorry papa if i've ever hurt you in the way i've never realize
Thank you Papa for everything

so... please.. appreciate people around you
we won't know when the time will come

xoxo

Single minded

|| Relationship ||

So.. what is sooo good in this single minded relationship? it doesn't bring me any good... in fact i hate it truly hate it...

From what i understand, single minded relationship (or usually this apply to married couple) means two person who are together, love each other but do everything seperately

(example: hubby will work... over work...over time work and in the meanwhile the wifey will have to take care of the children... i mean alone.. not together.. then hubby will still busy with outstation work and the wifey busy spending the lonely time hanging out with friends or family)

Hello?? i mean.. what's the point of being together if none of the partner atleast give some initiative to do things together like how it's used to be...

Im not married but Soon i will be... and the truth is.. this single minded thingy already developed
between both of us? we've discussed about it... but you know "easier said than done" .. early step of prevention seems to be drowning in the drainage ... how sad... i mean okay.. it's been only two days we've discussed about this 'single minded' thing but my hope that it can work out became hopeless... arghhh it's really pathetic... (sobbing)

But...But... whatever it is.. it doesn't mean i have to give up on my relationship just because i failed once.... i have to do something.. make it better... well my main goal remember???

"Pursuit of happiness"

I will never give up even though the pain makes my heart to go scattered into million pieces... luckily i have a strong glue my self to stick it together.. over and over again
(hopefully the glue will never finish) :D

Anyway, I just want to let you know that the situation is not as worst as you thought of because my darling, he's a very wonderful and kind person. I just can't live without him even for just a split second, the urge that came from the inner side of me --- the 'I want' to be with him every second of my life is forcing me to think this way... not to have a single minded relationship, to hell with what the other think or tell me because i am the one who's going to live with him (in happiness or in sadness) and he is the one who can love me this way, no one else could because i am different in the way only he could understand. (BIG SMILES).

Well I bet you too have your own love story because everybody is unique in their very own way.. right?

Thanks for reading
XOXO

PAIN

|| STABBING SADNESS ||

ITS PAIN TO BE SAD

MILLION OF NEEDLES POKING MY HEART

HARD TO PRETEND EVEN TO SMILE

I WANT A TRUE HAPPINESS

BUT WHEN SADNESS COME ALONG

HAPPINESS SEEMS TO BE FAR AWAY AND IMPOSSIBLE

AM I ASKING TOO MUCH?

TO BE HAPPY?
TO SMILE?
TO LAUGH?

I BELIEVE I DON'T

I JUST WANT TO BE WITH HIM TOMORROW

I FIND IT'S TOO HARD TO LET HIM GO (even just for a while)

BUT HE DON'T UNDERSTAND

I WISH HE DO...
REALLY WISH

I'M A SOBER TONIGHT

XX

NEW LIFE

|| ? ? NEW LIFE ? ? ||

Yeah... lot..lots...lotss of things happened for these last few weeks... I mean 'UNEXPECTED' thing
I feel sad
I feel sorrow
I feel unhappy
I feel unfair
I feel like in a deep shit
I feel like it's end of the world
But the reason why I MUST start to blog again is to REFRESH myself
to continue my journey in pursuing my HAPPINESS
to begin each day as a NEW LIFE....
Basically.. all i'm saying is to move on
"LIFE MUST GOES ON" ......
........right? tell me....
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You must be wondering why? what happened?... well to those who know me.. I mean.. close friend and family... you know what happened... NO.... I didn't break off with my Fiance.. still with him... NO... I didn't failed in my exam... but YES.. My father-in-law-to-be passed away... all in sudden... (ummm i don't feel like telling how he died cuz.. cuz... maybe i'm not ready.. but I will when i feel like i can take it... okay?)
Alright.... i'll post again soon.. (maybe tonight) thanks for reading... muuuuahhhhhh

XOXO